my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
