can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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