OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
