just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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