The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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