My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
