my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize