so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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