I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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