i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize