I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
