he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
