Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
