I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
be right there i have to get my cape
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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