either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
