I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
