Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
