I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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