Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
