South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
