hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sext me about skeletons
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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