somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
