I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm both gender and math confused
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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