Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
