how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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