We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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