I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
