i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no you cant smoke seaweed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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