I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
