Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize