I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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