I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize