i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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