Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
