Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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