my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
