I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
