Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
