Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
