I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
