was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
