You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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