you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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