I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize