you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if only i could text you this smell
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
