"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
