If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
