she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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