Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
