My cat gives me a boner
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
