His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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