i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
