Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
