WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
