I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
