No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
