No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
