I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
