and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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