I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
