Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
