her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
