Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
