Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You're like the curious george of whores
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
