I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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