So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
