Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
