Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
