this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
