It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize