Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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