so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
