are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize