quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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