I want to walk on stilts...naked
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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