Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
