I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
