Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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