dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
