How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
