Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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