Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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