He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
