Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
