I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
