so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
