I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
as a side note pls kill me
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