Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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