She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
