Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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