i don't really know how much tequila is too much
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
tell me about the eggs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize