Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
