my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
